Dealing with Frustration

How many times have you wanted something and employed all your resources and effort towards it? But nevertheless you failed or didn’t get the results you were looking for?

For me, studying has been one of these areas and the one in which I have struggled the most by far.

Recently, I remember studying hard for exams hoping to get the desired grades so as to be able to make it to the career I’ve always pursued, but simply put, the results I was getting weren’t always ideal for me with respect to the hours I was spending.

But not only that, I was also comparing myself to other people and finding that I wasn’t at the top, and what’s more, people who were getting top grades didn’t spend nearly as much time studying as I did.

Approach life in a different way

Before diving into the philosophy that has helped me a lot to manage frustration and pressure, it is required for me to make an initial statement: “Every and each one of us is different, we simply have different brains affected by our genome”.

Understanding this concept of individual uniqueness is a key step, as its importance is bigger than most people would imagine. It implies that our brain is affected by some external factor we cannot control or decide ourselves (genetics), so that means that we cannot do anything about it. And if we cannot influence it, what is there for us that is within our scope of action?

The answer I’d give to that question comes from Stoicism (the philosophy of stoics), which state that there are two fascets in life: One refers to the things we can control and exclusively depend on us, and the other to the things that don’t a 100% depend on us.

Therefore, we should only focus on the things or actions that depend on us in their entirety.

And what are those things then?

Well, there is only one thing that it is 100000% up to us from the view of stoics, our intentions.

But in my case, I believe effort can add up to the list.

So, everytime you feel frustrated after not getting the results you wanted I want you to ask yourself one simple question: Have you done all that was in your hands to accomplish or reach your goal? If the answer is yes, then you have nothing to worry about, and you should really be proud of yourself. But if the answer is no, you’d probably have to try harder next time.

Self-acceptance

By now everything I’ve failed to accomplish I have come to see it as if I hadn’t been good enough; there’s some part of me that always wants more and more and refuses to accept my own true nature, the nature from which no matter how hard I try I would not be able to escape. The nature which makes me unique and distinct from others, albeit it also impoverishes me in some areas.

Nevertheless, I now see that all this pressure and nonconformism that has been growing incessantly within me is exclusively due to the fact that I have been constantly failing to accept my capabilities, to know myself well; and that implies a profound knowledge of my strengths and weaknesses, as well as accepting them.

I believe the key to dealing with frustration lays fundamentally in the skill of knowing and accepting oneself.

Perhaps if you don’t reach your desired goal despite your efforts, it is because of something that doesn’t depend on you.

Think about it next time.